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Many people are at a loss for words when they hear this kind of news. Often the things that are said are unintentionally hurtful. Here are some suggestions for do's and don'ts when a friend or relative tells you his or her baby has Down Syndrome.
Steps
- Remember that it is a child with Down Syndrome, not a Down Syndrome child. A subtle difference with much meaning.
- Avoid saying things like, "I'm sorry", "Oh, how awful for you", and other phrases that might convey pity. Don't tell them it could be worse, they have other children who are normal, it is God's will, etc.
- Stay away from stereotyping. Things such as, "they're such happy children", "they are so loving", "God has given you a child forever", and other such stereotypical sentences are just not helpful, and not true. Don't be afraid to tell them what a blessing their new baby will be, though!
- Congratulate the new parents! After all, they have a new baby. Statements of congratulations will convey acceptance which is very important to the new parents. Send flowers (with a new baby theme, not an "I'm sorry" theme), gifts for the baby, etc.
- Compliment the baby. Tell them their baby is such a cutie, or so beautiful. Don't be afraid to ask to hold her.
- Note similarities to the parents. "He has your nose", "She has your chin". All parents love to hear about the similarities their babies have to them.
- Learn about Down Syndrome. Read a book, surf the net some more...It shows you care.
- Listen. Let them talk and just listen. Many of us are so ready with our advice and clichés we don't really hear what the parents are saying.
Tips
- Helpful things you can do:
- Bring meals.
- Offer to baby sit (now or later) They may need someone to watch the other children while they go to the hospital to be with their baby if the baby had to stay in the hospital after the mother was released.
- Be there for them. Do not wait for the new parents to come to you for help. Offer a specific help for a specific time. Generalizations such as, "Call me if you need anything" are not helpful. Be specific. "I will come over and watch Junior tomorrow when you go to the hospital," " I will come and clean your house, tell me which day is best" and other such statements are much more helpful.
- Throw them a baby shower if there has not been one yet!
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Sources and Citations
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